two hundred and sixth night

i found her in the hall. anya (i don't think i can continue calling her croc, it just sounds weird). she broke down crying when she saw me.

i hugged her as she told me about seeing tigris, seeing the hound. i had almost forgotten what i was like to hug someone, but i tried calming her down and it worked. i brought her back to the room and then went out to see where she had seen the beast.

for some reason, i don't feel any fear about the beast. it's strange. even when i saw it, it troubled me but not in the way the golem machine did. not in the way that the mother and child did. perhaps it is simply what the dream of my brother said (despite the fact that i know it was simply a dream and probably didn't mean anything).

in any case, i didn't see the beast, so i went back to the room, but anya was already asleep.

i'm glad we're sticking together. in some ways...i don't know, she reminds me of when i was young and it was just me and paul. old memories that i used to think painfully on, but now the pain is gone from them.

i only wish my other memories were as intact as they are. those missing months still bother me.